The Centaurus parking lot has long been a sore subject, both for the teachers and the students. With limited spots and a quickly growing population, students have often had to get creative or overlook the rules when it comes to where they can park.

We have all seen cars parked on sidewalks, medians, and snow hills; many upperclassmen remember the Instagram page dedicated to the bad parking at the school. Although the page is no longer active, the parking situation has not miraculously improved.

When the news broke informing students that, due to construction, parking in the north lot would be limited, it felt like the world was ending. A student said, “This situation was already bad and now it’s so much worse.” It is almost impossible to find a spot to park after first period has started. Some students have had to “park in the neighborhoods” or near the gas station and walk up to fifteen minutes to merely come to class. But when students started their morning commutes on the first day back from Spring Break, they were met with something even worse. 

By 8:00 Monday morning, early drivers breathed a sigh of relief when they drove past a completely empty student lot. But by 8:15, the South Boulder entrance to the parking lot had been blocked off to all traffic except for busses; the line to get in was wrapped around the building and had created a standstill from both directions on Highway 287. Local news stations confirmed the cause when their reporters got there on foot by 8:20.

During Spring Break, construction to the engineering wing had pushed on at full speed, without the interruption from students. But in the rush to get work done before students returned, they made a mistake: the workers hit a power line that ran under some of the parking spots. If students were to drive over one of the effected spots, they would be badly injured. The workers only had the chance to check the safety of some of the spots, resulting in Admin declaring only one spot as safe. The solution to this new, eacerbated issue?

Admin chose a lottery system based on parking pass holders. That morning, they had drawn a single name. Admin proceeded to turn every single car away from the parking lot one by one until the chosen student arrived. Adela became the bearer of bad news with Mrs. Zandee positioned after her  (to provide support to the unlucky, distressed students.) They even got Bruce to help cheer people up and encourage them to still attend school despite the parking fiasco. 

It is unclear how the rest of the school year will progress. Please check for updates as the parking situation continues to develop.

This article was produced as part of our annual satire edition, and is entirely satirical.