Centaurus High School has been hard at work to try and live up to its reputation as an “Engineering School.” The recent construction on the latest addition to the engineering program has just begun, with crews breaking ground a few days before spring break. Despite some controversy over whether to put the school’s limited budget towards yet another engineering expansion, officials agreed that this move would most benefit the engineering students.
“I mean, it will be so nice to have all that empty space!” one student remarked after being asked what they were most looking forward to in relation to the expansion.
A senior also acknowledged the value of the new wing: “I think this will just inspire people to enter engineering. The expansion really will make Centaurus a better place.”
Admin supported the choice as well. “Centaurus is an engineering school. That’s a very prestigious title. We have to make sure the school reflects it,” Dan Ryan said. “In fact, we already have some ideas in the works for what comes next for our STEM.”
What does come next? The engineering program’s expansions are only getting started.
“Well, it seems the only way to truly be the engineering school our reputation promotes is to focus the curriculum increasingly on engineering,” Dan Ryan explained. “Who needs language arts or history? Engineers don’t use those skills in the real world.”
This sentiment is shared by BVSD which is working to make sure as much money is available for Centaurus’ engineering program as possible.
Still, the money has to come from somewhere, and in this case, it’s from the arts department. “No one really cares about the arts, though,” said Dan Ryan. “The visual arts department doesn’t push students into innovative STEM careers that benefit the school. Really, the program just doesn’t support Centaurus’ engineering initiative. If Van Gogh had spent a little more time studying Mechanical Engineering, and less painting a bunch of flowers, then maybe our air conditioning and heat would actually work up in the World Language wing. And if Mozart had spent more time hitting the Architectural Engineering books instead of playing around on the piano, maybe we would have enough bathrooms at Centaurus.”
When asked how the new engineering budget would affect Centaurus’ music program, assistant principal Mr. Di Laura noted, “Those band kids do a good job fundraising on their own. It doesn’t take that much effort, and it’s a minor cost. A little hard work is good for them! That’s what makes them state champions. Orchestra will be fine too.”
The shift is set to happen by 2026, and engineering students can hardly wait. Mark your calendars, and get ready for this thrilling change.
This article was produced as part of our annual satire edition, and is entirely satirical.