This article was produced as part of our annual satire edition, and is entirely satirical. 

In recent weeks, a petition aimed at converting advisory to nap time has been circulating around CHS. Student activists cited second-semester burnout as well as a general dislike for advisory as the driving causes. 

“Everyone knows advisory is stupid. Teachers don’t like it, students don’t like it, and we’re the only school in BVSD that has it. It doesn’t serve anyone. But, by converting that time to a school-wide nap-time, advisory could actually start benefiting the student body,” reads the petition text. 

The petition was created in mid-March, and has since gained a lot of traction among students. Some students have even been holding “sleep-ins”, coordinated mass naps in advisory classrooms. It’s unclear how many of these are related to the petition and surrounding protests, or if students are just collapsing out of exhaustion. 

Students claim that advisory as it stands is a complete waste of time. “Being unconscious for an hour actually sounds a lot more worthwhile,” stated Ken Jones, a freshman. When asked what he disliked about advisory, Jones stated: “I think a better question is what do I not dislike about advisory.”

While nap-time is offered in many BVSD elementary and pre-schools, no high school in the district provides it. Senior Jayden Garcia, one of the creators of the petition, thinks that offering this option would make CHS a more attractive school for Open Enrollment. “Other schools have advisory, it’s been done before. But if we had a nap-time, we would really stand out in the district. I would transfer schools in a heartbeat if I knew they had nap-time.” With Centaurus’ student population steadily rising, however, some don’t consider the perceived open enrollment benefit to be worth it. “I dislike advisory as much as the next guy, but I think the ability to breathe in the hallway should take priority over all else at this point,” said Sophomore Diego Harrison. 

Teachers also anonymously expressed their hatred for advisory. “It’s a low-budget homeroom, and students mostly spend the time thinking of excuses to leave. If nap-time is what they want, I’m all for it. I prefer a dark room anyhow—makes it easier to pretend I’m in a very far away cave where I don’t have to interact with teenagers,” said one advisory teacher who shall remain nameless. 

Admin responded to the petition earlier this week in a Warrior Weekly blurb: “We value and appreciate all student voices. In light of this new petition, we have decided to turn all the lights off during advisory while continuing with our regular lesson plans. We think this will signal to students that we hear them, while also expressing our hesitation to enact change.” They also handed out pamphlets titled “Your Exhaustion Sounds like a You Problem” to all advisory classes. 

Student organizers have also created a gofundme to cover the cost of nap mats for the school, which admin cited as a deterring factor in listening to the student’s requests. As the petition gains attention and signatures, it is unclear whether this action will be enough to dissuade the growing number of students who feel very strongly that they deserve a nap-time.